Cutting Soul Ties That Bind
Favorite work of fiction?
Favorite film?
Favorite song?
Favorite poem?
Favorite fairy tale?
Do you "love too much"?
Ten steps toward sexual freedom:
1 Admit that your sexual identity needs reshaping.
2 Make your own list.
3 Identify the theme.
4 Learn the lesson.
5 Forgive others.
6 Forgive yourself.
7 Create a "no contact" rule.
8 Create a "no comparison" rule.
9 Keep your slate clean.
10 Forget intensity and focus on intimacy.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Chapter 4
Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse
Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.
With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"
The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.
Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).
As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?
I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.
How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?
Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.
With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"
The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.
Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).
As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?
I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.
How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Chapter 3
First off...Congratulations to Nicole on her BEAUTIFUL baby girl. And Congratulations to Heidi on becoming an aunt again. Happy spoiling!
Rewinding Our Childhood Tapes...
Just the title of this chapter makes my mind rush with a LOT of Catholic c***!
So, I realize no one is reading this book along with where we are in our discussion. However...
Shannon begins this chapter talking about negative tapes she had growing up. She then went on to talk about changing those tapes and putting them into perspective of what was going on around her at the time those tapes were created.
She ends by talking about learning to satisfy your emotional needs yourself. "...you deserve to live, love, be loved, and to be happy with yourself." (40)
What tapes have you changed?
What tapes do you need to change?
What do you do when the old tapes sneak back in?
How do you satisfy your emotional needs yourself?
Here is another question...
In a book I read titled It's All About Him by Dennise Jackson (wife of country singer Allan Jackson). She talks about having issues related to emotional needs not being met at home and wanting Allen to meet them and the problems this caused in their marriage. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder, I realize no one has a perfect life, but how the heck do we keep our kids (especially daughters) from having issues in this area if someone who is so different from me had some of the same issues I have?
I mean, I had related some of my issues to Catholic c***, and to the fact that my dad came from a home where my grandfather was a self-medicating alcoholic, he tried his best NOT to be his dad, but he had major anger issues when I was growing up. And, my mom is not assertive at all. She doesn't realize how it affects me when I hear her put herself down. It does make me very aware of what I say about myself in-front of my kids.
I don't want to raise kids that are people pleasers. That will make themselves feel like c*** just to make someone else feel good. Although, in all honesty, I still have some of those tendencies. I know that it is because, although, I did not grow up in a home with an alcoholic, my family tended to function (or disfunction) like an alcoholic family.
Altimately, I know God is in control. Praise Him for it!
Rewinding Our Childhood Tapes...
Just the title of this chapter makes my mind rush with a LOT of Catholic c***!
So, I realize no one is reading this book along with where we are in our discussion. However...
Shannon begins this chapter talking about negative tapes she had growing up. She then went on to talk about changing those tapes and putting them into perspective of what was going on around her at the time those tapes were created.
She ends by talking about learning to satisfy your emotional needs yourself. "...you deserve to live, love, be loved, and to be happy with yourself." (40)
What tapes have you changed?
What tapes do you need to change?
What do you do when the old tapes sneak back in?
How do you satisfy your emotional needs yourself?
Here is another question...
In a book I read titled It's All About Him by Dennise Jackson (wife of country singer Allan Jackson). She talks about having issues related to emotional needs not being met at home and wanting Allen to meet them and the problems this caused in their marriage. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder, I realize no one has a perfect life, but how the heck do we keep our kids (especially daughters) from having issues in this area if someone who is so different from me had some of the same issues I have?
I mean, I had related some of my issues to Catholic c***, and to the fact that my dad came from a home where my grandfather was a self-medicating alcoholic, he tried his best NOT to be his dad, but he had major anger issues when I was growing up. And, my mom is not assertive at all. She doesn't realize how it affects me when I hear her put herself down. It does make me very aware of what I say about myself in-front of my kids.
I don't want to raise kids that are people pleasers. That will make themselves feel like c*** just to make someone else feel good. Although, in all honesty, I still have some of those tendencies. I know that it is because, although, I did not grow up in a home with an alcoholic, my family tended to function (or disfunction) like an alcoholic family.
Altimately, I know God is in control. Praise Him for it!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Chapters 1 & 2
Here's the deal...
1) I want discussion! So, we are going to revisit chapters 1 and 2. Feel free to answer my questions or post your own.
2) Nicole lent out her book. So, we will be having Liz join us here in the next week.
3) Chapters 3 and 4 are intense. So, I figure this is a good place to pause, before jumping in.
Chapter 1
So, I wonder, what happened after the joy of that day? Did they ever have trouble in the bedroom? Have you always/ever felt sexually confident?Is this a mountain and valley issue for you? When have you experienced mountains? When have you experienced vallies?(Based off Sylvia's e-mail on page 7) Does your husband have issues with sexual confidence? What do you do to boost his confidence?What boosts your confidence?
Chapter 2
How do you help your husband to see that you need spiritual and emotional connection with him?When is your favorite time of the week to connect with your husband spiritually and emotionally?What activities do you enjoy doing together that encourage your need for spiritual and emotional connectedness?
What do you do to let your husband know you "think he's eye candy" (page 22)?Does your husband fill your oxytocin tank? (I'm suggesting there is a tank.)Who else do you seek regular touch from? (Especially if your primary or secondary love language is touch.)
1) I want discussion! So, we are going to revisit chapters 1 and 2. Feel free to answer my questions or post your own.
2) Nicole lent out her book. So, we will be having Liz join us here in the next week.
3) Chapters 3 and 4 are intense. So, I figure this is a good place to pause, before jumping in.
Chapter 1
So, I wonder, what happened after the joy of that day? Did they ever have trouble in the bedroom? Have you always/ever felt sexually confident?Is this a mountain and valley issue for you? When have you experienced mountains? When have you experienced vallies?(Based off Sylvia's e-mail on page 7) Does your husband have issues with sexual confidence? What do you do to boost his confidence?What boosts your confidence?
Chapter 2
How do you help your husband to see that you need spiritual and emotional connection with him?When is your favorite time of the week to connect with your husband spiritually and emotionally?What activities do you enjoy doing together that encourage your need for spiritual and emotional connectedness?
What do you do to let your husband know you "think he's eye candy" (page 22)?Does your husband fill your oxytocin tank? (I'm suggesting there is a tank.)Who else do you seek regular touch from? (Especially if your primary or secondary love language is touch.)
Monday, June 22, 2009
Chapter 1 (Remembered)
Okay, I'm sorry, I messed up. I messed with chapter 1 post and ended up posting chapter 2 over chapter 1. DARN!
Here is a summary of what chapter 1 said...
Where Did Our Confidence Go?
In Song of Songs we get a glimpse into Solomon's wedding day. He discribes his bride as, "a lily among thorns..." (Song of Songs 2:2)
So, I wonder, what happened after the joy of that day? Did they ever have trouble in the bedroom?
Have you always/ever felt sexually confident?
Is this a mountain and valley issue for you? When have you experienced mountains? When have you experienced vallies?
(Based off Sylvia's e-mail on page 7) Does your husband have issues with sexual confidence? What do you do to boost his confidence?
What boosts your confidence?
Again, sorry I deleted the original.
Here is a summary of what chapter 1 said...
Where Did Our Confidence Go?
In Song of Songs we get a glimpse into Solomon's wedding day. He discribes his bride as, "a lily among thorns..." (Song of Songs 2:2)
So, I wonder, what happened after the joy of that day? Did they ever have trouble in the bedroom?
Have you always/ever felt sexually confident?
Is this a mountain and valley issue for you? When have you experienced mountains? When have you experienced vallies?
(Based off Sylvia's e-mail on page 7) Does your husband have issues with sexual confidence? What do you do to boost his confidence?
What boosts your confidence?
Again, sorry I deleted the original.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Chapter 2
Getting on the Right Track
SPICE a term used in Natural Family Planning. Stands for spiritual, physical, intellectual, communication, emotional, all the ways a couple should be connected.
How do you help your husband to see that you need spiritual and emotional connection with him?
When is your favorite time of the week to connect with your husband spiritually and emotionally?
What activities do you enjoy doing together that encourage your need for spiritual and emotional connectedness?
My favorite time of the week is when Rick and I go into worship service on Sunday morning. Especially, if I have a hand free to hold his. I know I should be better about just grabbing his hand, but I'm not, so then I end up feeling rejected when we stand/sit next to each other and don't hold hands for an hour (ESPECIALLY if I am not holding one of our sweet little men). I LOVE IT when he grabs my hand as we are headed from the nursery to worship!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it, not that I tell him, when he chooses to fly or finish an install or complete an annual inspection on Sunday morning instead of going to church with us. I don't want to squash his guy time and I know it is to the ultimate benefit of our family that he flies and builds hours (blah, blah, BLAH!), so, I keep my mouth shut. (Wouldn't Dr. Laura be proud?)
What do you do to let your husband know you "think he's eye candy" (page 22)?
Pam Stenvel, Sex Still Has a Price Tag, uses the tape idea (page 26) in her lectures to high school age students. In the video mentioned above she says she has brought a piece of tape with her to a lecture stuck to her arm. As she is speaking she pulls it off and sticks it to someone in the audience. Every few minutes she moves the tape back to her and then onto someone else. She then uses this piece of tape to show the kids how it no longer sticks to her and points out that no other human (husband or wife) stands a chance of sticking once that deep connection has been passed around and ripped apart so many times. (I mention this because she is a wonderful speaker, her videos are a great resource to anyone in need of talking to a junior high/high school age person about sex, and it just connects so wonderfully with this chapter.)
Does your husband fill your oxytocin tank? (I'm suggesting there is a tank.)
Who else do you seek regular touch from? (Especially if your primary or secondary love language is touch.)
SPICE a term used in Natural Family Planning. Stands for spiritual, physical, intellectual, communication, emotional, all the ways a couple should be connected.
How do you help your husband to see that you need spiritual and emotional connection with him?
When is your favorite time of the week to connect with your husband spiritually and emotionally?
What activities do you enjoy doing together that encourage your need for spiritual and emotional connectedness?
My favorite time of the week is when Rick and I go into worship service on Sunday morning. Especially, if I have a hand free to hold his. I know I should be better about just grabbing his hand, but I'm not, so then I end up feeling rejected when we stand/sit next to each other and don't hold hands for an hour (ESPECIALLY if I am not holding one of our sweet little men). I LOVE IT when he grabs my hand as we are headed from the nursery to worship!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it, not that I tell him, when he chooses to fly or finish an install or complete an annual inspection on Sunday morning instead of going to church with us. I don't want to squash his guy time and I know it is to the ultimate benefit of our family that he flies and builds hours (blah, blah, BLAH!), so, I keep my mouth shut. (Wouldn't Dr. Laura be proud?)
What do you do to let your husband know you "think he's eye candy" (page 22)?
Pam Stenvel, Sex Still Has a Price Tag, uses the tape idea (page 26) in her lectures to high school age students. In the video mentioned above she says she has brought a piece of tape with her to a lecture stuck to her arm. As she is speaking she pulls it off and sticks it to someone in the audience. Every few minutes she moves the tape back to her and then onto someone else. She then uses this piece of tape to show the kids how it no longer sticks to her and points out that no other human (husband or wife) stands a chance of sticking once that deep connection has been passed around and ripped apart so many times. (I mention this because she is a wonderful speaker, her videos are a great resource to anyone in need of talking to a junior high/high school age person about sex, and it just connects so wonderfully with this chapter.)
Does your husband fill your oxytocin tank? (I'm suggesting there is a tank.)
Who else do you seek regular touch from? (Especially if your primary or secondary love language is touch.)
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