Cutting Soul Ties That Bind
Favorite work of fiction?
Favorite film?
Favorite song?
Favorite poem?
Favorite fairy tale?
Do you "love too much"?
Ten steps toward sexual freedom:
1 Admit that your sexual identity needs reshaping.
2 Make your own list.
3 Identify the theme.
4 Learn the lesson.
5 Forgive others.
6 Forgive yourself.
7 Create a "no contact" rule.
8 Create a "no comparison" rule.
9 Keep your slate clean.
10 Forget intensity and focus on intimacy.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Chapter 4
Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse
Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.
With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"
The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.
Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).
As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?
I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.
How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?
Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.
With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"
The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.
Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).
As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?
I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.
How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Chapter 3
First off...Congratulations to Nicole on her BEAUTIFUL baby girl. And Congratulations to Heidi on becoming an aunt again. Happy spoiling!
Rewinding Our Childhood Tapes...
Just the title of this chapter makes my mind rush with a LOT of Catholic c***!
So, I realize no one is reading this book along with where we are in our discussion. However...
Shannon begins this chapter talking about negative tapes she had growing up. She then went on to talk about changing those tapes and putting them into perspective of what was going on around her at the time those tapes were created.
She ends by talking about learning to satisfy your emotional needs yourself. "...you deserve to live, love, be loved, and to be happy with yourself." (40)
What tapes have you changed?
What tapes do you need to change?
What do you do when the old tapes sneak back in?
How do you satisfy your emotional needs yourself?
Here is another question...
In a book I read titled It's All About Him by Dennise Jackson (wife of country singer Allan Jackson). She talks about having issues related to emotional needs not being met at home and wanting Allen to meet them and the problems this caused in their marriage. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder, I realize no one has a perfect life, but how the heck do we keep our kids (especially daughters) from having issues in this area if someone who is so different from me had some of the same issues I have?
I mean, I had related some of my issues to Catholic c***, and to the fact that my dad came from a home where my grandfather was a self-medicating alcoholic, he tried his best NOT to be his dad, but he had major anger issues when I was growing up. And, my mom is not assertive at all. She doesn't realize how it affects me when I hear her put herself down. It does make me very aware of what I say about myself in-front of my kids.
I don't want to raise kids that are people pleasers. That will make themselves feel like c*** just to make someone else feel good. Although, in all honesty, I still have some of those tendencies. I know that it is because, although, I did not grow up in a home with an alcoholic, my family tended to function (or disfunction) like an alcoholic family.
Altimately, I know God is in control. Praise Him for it!
Rewinding Our Childhood Tapes...
Just the title of this chapter makes my mind rush with a LOT of Catholic c***!
So, I realize no one is reading this book along with where we are in our discussion. However...
Shannon begins this chapter talking about negative tapes she had growing up. She then went on to talk about changing those tapes and putting them into perspective of what was going on around her at the time those tapes were created.
She ends by talking about learning to satisfy your emotional needs yourself. "...you deserve to live, love, be loved, and to be happy with yourself." (40)
What tapes have you changed?
What tapes do you need to change?
What do you do when the old tapes sneak back in?
How do you satisfy your emotional needs yourself?
Here is another question...
In a book I read titled It's All About Him by Dennise Jackson (wife of country singer Allan Jackson). She talks about having issues related to emotional needs not being met at home and wanting Allen to meet them and the problems this caused in their marriage. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder, I realize no one has a perfect life, but how the heck do we keep our kids (especially daughters) from having issues in this area if someone who is so different from me had some of the same issues I have?
I mean, I had related some of my issues to Catholic c***, and to the fact that my dad came from a home where my grandfather was a self-medicating alcoholic, he tried his best NOT to be his dad, but he had major anger issues when I was growing up. And, my mom is not assertive at all. She doesn't realize how it affects me when I hear her put herself down. It does make me very aware of what I say about myself in-front of my kids.
I don't want to raise kids that are people pleasers. That will make themselves feel like c*** just to make someone else feel good. Although, in all honesty, I still have some of those tendencies. I know that it is because, although, I did not grow up in a home with an alcoholic, my family tended to function (or disfunction) like an alcoholic family.
Altimately, I know God is in control. Praise Him for it!
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