Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse
Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.
With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"
The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.
Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).
As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?
I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.
How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?
I never knew the statistics about sexual assault until after college, so I was well into my 20's before I realized how lucky I had been in my life to not have experienced it. As a result, I feel utterly unqualified to comment on this chapter.
ReplyDeleteThere are things in my past I don't need to air out, but I too feel very blessed that God kept me from worse things that could have happened to me either because of stupid choices I made or even unknowingly putting myself into situations I had no clue were potentially hazardous. And the things that did happen God did use to help me grow and used to teach me important lessons. I think in some ways I am one of those persons who has to learn the hard way. I am so thankful every day that God is working in my life and that things didn't turn out worse than they did :)
ReplyDeleteI have two beautiful children and a pretty great guy for a hubby after all is said and done. I know that when things come full circle for me that God will be able to use me to help other girls/women either already in my position or who have started taking steps in that direction.
Things related to this chapter in my mind:
ReplyDeleteMy friend Lindsay and her mom Pam came down to help with Nola for a few days when we got home from the hospital. We were discussed Abbey, Lindsay's college age sister. Abbey is living with her boyfriend and avoids hanging out with the family; she has made several other poor decisions in the past year after graduating from high school. Pam said she thought Abbey had been sexual abused sometime during high school by her boyfriend which lead to a depression and this downward spiral. Pam and Lindsay are both at a loss as to how to reconnect with her and have been praying for her. There is no way to bring such a topic up; she has to bring it up first.
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I also was thinking about a friend I had in college, Jacob. I started to talk to him because he was friends in high school with some people I knew. His dad killed his mom and sliced his sister's throat. He and his siblings went to live with his dad's sister where his uncle sexually abused them. He stopped talking to me when I asked him why he proposed to his girlfriend who he had just gotten back together with after a break up. ... I was worried about his decision and what he had told her about his family and his previous actions. (He had sexual assaulted his cousin and had been suicidal.) ... It sounds weird writing it out that I would want to be friends with this person but I was hurt by the fact that he could forgive his dad, his uncle and himself for their seemingly unforgivable actions but didn't want to continue to talk to me.
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I'm not being very concise. This chapter made me think a lot about people I know who have been hurt this way and made me thank God again for my positive experiences.
I have never been sexually abused but I have always greatly feared it and I think that fear has greatly affected my life. I think I chose to date boys (not men) who were very gentle so that I would feel confident they would never do anything to harm me. This was a subconscious self-defense mode and I didn't realize it until this discussion.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely recommend this book to women with issues from past or present. I would also recommend it to many women just because. :)