Hi Everybody, Sorry, for the two week absence. Heidi, how is the spoiling going? Page 79, How do you work at creating the "ideal love"? Page 80, How do you handle the media portral of the "I'm to tired" for sex wife?
I work at our intimacy by keeping my mind free from images and imaginary scenarios of other men. Magazines, romantic comedy movies, and other sources really affect my purity of devotion to my husband and I've learned to fight hard to keep my mind purely in love with him. With him, I intentionally praise him and do things I know he'll appreciate. I am more often the initiator so I am the one that needs to have patience when he is tired from a long day at work. I try to secure some time with him doing something we both enjoy, even if it means watching a silly TV show together. At least it's together. As for question two, I'm hardly ever that wife so it's hard for me to relate.
My imagination likes to play with different scenarios, with Rick as the lead man. It has to have a bit of "this could maybe really happen" to it or I just roll my eyes and it does nothing for me. I have started sharing some of my scenarios with Rick. I wish I would have started sharing my over active imagination with him along time ago. We both get a chuckle out of some of the things my mind conjures up. I have always had a, "I'll never tell you, 'I'm to tired,'" policy. I know in the book Shannon mentions that even if you don't want to initially, orgasm is worth it. And often I think of Liz telling me about the crockpot vs. the microwave and just hope that Rick is not so ready that he won't take the time to get me ready too. (Probably way to much info. in that last sentence. Sorry.)
Ha! You're funny. I think the crockpot vs. microwave analogy is a very innocent way to describe technical anatomical issues. :) And I didn't know about the whole "warming up" process until 6 years into our marriage, so it's possible that you're enlightening some women who need to know what they're missing!
The spoiling was great! We had a wonderful time on vacation. Zac has some nice pictures on his facebook page that you may have already seen. Nola with her toes in the cold ocean was funny!
Those are pretty deep questions. I wish I had a great answer for the first one. I'm trying to work on it right now in our marriage, because my vision of an ideal love or ideal relationship doesn't necessarily work in real life with Bryan. He is who he is, and my preconceived ideals aren't always the right fit. I'm trying to do better at understanding who he is and accepting him the way he is, instead of trying to fit him into a mold I have in my mind. You'd think I would have this already figured out after 9 years of marriage.
I think the only time I've ever used "I'm too tired" was when I WAS tired and didn't have the mental energy to warm up the crockpot (thanks for the analogy). I think there have been times when I've been angry and avoided sex, but I don't think I've held a grudge and withheld sex. I think there's a difference between those two scenarios, but some may not agree.
To create the 'ideal love' I tell my husband what I want. I always ask him what his plan is for the evening, weekend or future so our goals don't conflict with each other. He never has anything specific planned but he normally has something in mind he would like to happen. I try and change to be the wife and now mother I want to be; I know my husband is likes the way I do things and never does anything to purposefully upset me.
I rarely encounter the image of a wife being too tired for sex in the media I view. I am often disturbed by the images and discussions of people having sex before marriage. I do notice how the media makes it appear women use sex to manipulate men but this does not work at my house; my husband is not easily manipulated at all, much to my disappointment some days.
If I am too tired for sex, often he is too. And if we postpone sex we state when the next good time would be... the next morning, evening or the weekend.
I have to echo Heidi's views on the first question. We are a constant work in progress just because we aren't the traditional love story. Love is more of a daily choice and sometimes minute by minute choice for me so there is no "ideal" way to view it. I really have to stay away from any sort of cookie cutter view of what would be ideal such as trying to see my husband as or push him into a mold like my dad or brothers or some other Godly guy I really look up to. It gets us no where and takes me down a path of discontent. I just have to really be the 1Peter wife that is continually on her knees. In Prayer. That is what is ideal for me right now in this moment. We just celebrated Ann'y #6 and in a lot of ways I agree again with Heidi in that I thought it would eventually HAVE to get easier right? Ummm so far not yet!
As far as the too tired part...umm ya when your hubby comes home at 2 in the a.m. or some other random unholy hour...ya I'm almost never "in the mood" especially when I have to get up at 6:30 now. But, I actually had a break through girls! Maybe this is wayy TMI, but I think we had the first wake up sex ever the other day and it wasn't as bad as I always thought it would be! I am just NOT a morning person. But, I think one of the things I am working on is not withholding from my hubby just because its not convenient for me. I guess thats a major giving area in a marriage isn't it. But the other positive thing about that was the great mood he was in pretty much all day. Bonus! lol
I work at our intimacy by keeping my mind free from images and imaginary scenarios of other men. Magazines, romantic comedy movies, and other sources really affect my purity of devotion to my husband and I've learned to fight hard to keep my mind purely in love with him.
ReplyDeleteWith him, I intentionally praise him and do things I know he'll appreciate. I am more often the initiator so I am the one that needs to have patience when he is tired from a long day at work. I try to secure some time with him doing something we both enjoy, even if it means watching a silly TV show together. At least it's together.
As for question two, I'm hardly ever that wife so it's hard for me to relate.
My imagination likes to play with different scenarios, with Rick as the lead man. It has to have a bit of "this could maybe really happen" to it or I just roll my eyes and it does nothing for me. I have started sharing some of my scenarios with Rick. I wish I would have started sharing my over active imagination with him along time ago. We both get a chuckle out of some of the things my mind conjures up.
ReplyDeleteI have always had a, "I'll never tell you, 'I'm to tired,'" policy. I know in the book Shannon mentions that even if you don't want to initially, orgasm is worth it. And often I think of Liz telling me about the crockpot vs. the microwave and just hope that Rick is not so ready that he won't take the time to get me ready too. (Probably way to much info. in that last sentence. Sorry.)
Ha! You're funny. I think the crockpot vs. microwave analogy is a very innocent way to describe technical anatomical issues. :) And I didn't know about the whole "warming up" process until 6 years into our marriage, so it's possible that you're enlightening some women who need to know what they're missing!
ReplyDeleteThe spoiling was great! We had a wonderful time on vacation. Zac has some nice pictures on his facebook page that you may have already seen. Nola with her toes in the cold ocean was funny!
ReplyDeleteThose are pretty deep questions. I wish I had a great answer for the first one. I'm trying to work on it right now in our marriage, because my vision of an ideal love or ideal relationship doesn't necessarily work in real life with Bryan. He is who he is, and my preconceived ideals aren't always the right fit. I'm trying to do better at understanding who he is and accepting him the way he is, instead of trying to fit him into a mold I have in my mind. You'd think I would have this already figured out after 9 years of marriage.
I think the only time I've ever used "I'm too tired" was when I WAS tired and didn't have the mental energy to warm up the crockpot (thanks for the analogy). I think there have been times when I've been angry and avoided sex, but I don't think I've held a grudge and withheld sex. I think there's a difference between those two scenarios, but some may not agree.
To create the 'ideal love' I tell my husband what I want. I always ask him what his plan is for the evening, weekend or future so our goals don't conflict with each other. He never has anything specific planned but he normally has something in mind he would like to happen. I try and change to be the wife and now mother I want to be; I know my husband is likes the way I do things and never does anything to purposefully upset me.
ReplyDeleteI rarely encounter the image of a wife being too tired for sex in the media I view. I am often disturbed by the images and discussions of people having sex before marriage. I do notice how the media makes it appear women use sex to manipulate men but this does not work at my house; my husband is not easily manipulated at all, much to my disappointment some days.
If I am too tired for sex, often he is too. And if we postpone sex we state when the next good time would be... the next morning, evening or the weekend.
I have to echo Heidi's views on the first question. We are a constant work in progress just because we aren't the traditional love story. Love is more of a daily choice and sometimes minute by minute choice for me so there is no "ideal" way to view it. I really have to stay away from any sort of cookie cutter view of what would be ideal such as trying to see my husband as or push him into a mold like my dad or brothers or some other Godly guy I really look up to. It gets us no where and takes me down a path of discontent. I just have to really be the 1Peter wife that is continually on her knees. In Prayer. That is what is ideal for me right now in this moment. We just celebrated Ann'y #6 and in a lot of ways I agree again with Heidi in that I thought it would eventually HAVE to get easier right? Ummm so far not yet!
ReplyDeleteAs far as the too tired part...umm ya when your hubby comes home at 2 in the a.m. or some other random unholy hour...ya I'm almost never "in the mood" especially when I have to get up at 6:30 now. But, I actually had a break through girls! Maybe this is wayy TMI, but I think we had the first wake up sex ever the other day and it wasn't as bad as I always thought it would be! I am just NOT a morning person. But, I think one of the things I am working on is not withholding from my hubby just because its not convenient for me. I guess thats a major giving area in a marriage isn't it. But the other positive thing about that was the great mood he was in pretty much all day. Bonus! lol