Befriending the Body Image Bear
45% of women are deting on any given day (p 87)
Do you diet? What do you do to maintain a healthy weight without dieting? How long do your diets normally last?
Do you struggle with taking your husband's compliments at face value? (p 90)
What do you do when you doubt your sexual attractiveness to boost your confidence? (p 91-92)
Top 10 Positive Body Image Tactics
1 Rid your mind of sexual stereotypes.
2 Don't assume that your husband is pointing out your flaws every time he touches you.
3 Take a helthy inventory.
4 Focus on function, and be grateful.
5 Avoid unrealistic comparisons.
6 Choose your vocabulary wisely.
7 Choose your wardrobe wisely.
8 Learn to like what you see when you look in the mirror.
9 Learn to love who you see in the mirror.
10 Teach other women how to treat themselves.
Which of these is your weakest area? Which is your strongest area?
Okay, so, in some weird world, my m.i.l. decided I needed a copy of Allure magazine. And, although, the pictures on the cover and in the magazine totally fall into body image bear struggles, there was one redeeming paragraph in the magazine...
ReplyDelete"In short, female sexulality is far more complicated than most understand, and the power is ours to wield. (Confessed an aging male friend recently: 'How does a man feel when a 44-year-old woman drops her bra? Grateful.') If there's one unsexy act, it's lying in bed in your nightgown and weeping because your feelings aren't getting enough attention."
I do not diet. I use to (and still do) HATE listening to women be moan the fact that they can't or shouldn't be eating that cause they just started a diet and it will be ruined by having just a little bite of whatever. GAG! and BARF! One bite is not going to ruin your life. I firmly believe in eating whatever I want just in moderation and NEVER feeling obligated to finish something off just so I don't have to put the leftovers away or (don't tell my mom) throw them away (I know, SHOCK and HORROR!)
Yes, I do struggle with being complimented. Not so much in a no I'm not, but more in a, "oh, you noticed me." I definately fall into the wall flower category and don't often get noticed.
Sarah and I have been talking about this a lot lately. christiannymphos.com has given both of us some interesting ideas for ways to boost confidence and we have gotten some good giggles out of some of the ideas. I'm really enjoying (and so is Rick) the renewed confidence I am finding in myself.
Number 6 is probably my weakest. When I hear my mom put herself down it really affects me. And I know it is the same with other women I'm close to. If they are talking bad about their bodies and then I tend to wonder about my own body.
Number 3 (Thanks Liz) and Number 7 (Thanks Nicole) are probably my strongest. I have stretch marks that I'm not thrilled with, but I earned them and am not ashamed of them. I use to dislike my height, but my husband is a good amount of height taller than me and I LOVE that. My thanks to Liz is for her compliment in summers past about my legs. And my thanks to Nicole is for Rick's comments, "That must be Nicole's shirt." Translated, it is low cut and not a pattern/color you would have purchased, but it looks really good on you.
I don't diet to loose weight. I do try and watch what I eat. I try to only eat when I am hungry and eat what I crave instead of just snacking. I have a sweet tooth and like ice cream often. I increase my exercise, drink more milk, and have more healthy snacks when I want to feel better. My normal weight range is from 125 to 135. Fertility treatments and pregnancy mean I have about 30 lbs extra at the moment but I am nursing so I can't get back to my normal size quickly.
ReplyDeleteMy husband does not like when I get below 125. He always makes a comment about not wanting to break me if I get any thinner. I like to be in my weight range, think my hair is cute, and dress nice for myself. When my husband complements me, I thank him and I believe him but I'm not much for Words of Affirmation. I really do it so I feel good on the inside and outside; I honestly do stand in front of the mirror almost daily to tell myself I look good.
(Also, Jessica makes it sound like I wear really low cut tops! :) I like v-necks (and patterns and Ann Taylor). Although, I have to admit with my new nursing boobs sometimes a v-neck makes them quite prominent.)
I don't diet. I do have phases where I eat better or worse, but my workout routine is consistent. I read a long article in the New York Times Magazine talking about the decline of cooking (despite the rise of cooking shows) and the rise in obesity. At the end of the article he said his philosophy was that anything you make from scratch you can eat. That so does not work for me! I have a blueberry pie calling my name from the kitchen!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I feel pretty good about my body. I'm over my healthy body weight, but I am lucky to have a balanced shape, which I appreciate. I felt much better after losing the 20 lbs I gained in college. It was a lot easier to find clothes that looked good after that. I used to dress like an old lady! Well into my 20's. I'm much better at figuring out what looks good now, after 30+ years of trying!
My husband very rarely compliments me, which is ok since I'm not a words of affirmation person at all. I know it's not because he thinks negatively about my appearance. Now that I think about it, he actually compliments me way more often when I'm without clothes than with clothes!
My dad never liked to hear people put themselves down. He made a point of making sure I knew that, especially when he heard women do it. That helped me grow up with self-confidence, even during the times when I wasn't happy with my body.
Blueberry pie? Sounds wonderful! That would be my problem. I make an excellent chocolate, coffee roll. I could live off that and weigh 300+
ReplyDeleteYes, I take my husband's compliments at face value and it helps my sexual confidence that "touch" is more important to him than "sight", like most guys. So, turn off the lights and everything seems "flawless". :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as diets go, sheesh. I know right now I'm about 20 lbs over where I should be and I just don't care enough to do anything drastic. I'd rather buy some skirts to hide the trouble areas than work out. Cause frankly, even when I didn't have the extra lbs, the trouble areas were still trouble, just in a different size.
I think what Nicole said about just giving in to cravings is interesting. I've tried giving up soda and just having something else sweet, but the truth is that I could eat or drink something with 5 times the amount of calories I would get from a soda and STILL want the soda! Most of my eating issues comes from emotional eating and not wanting to throw food away - I am in your mom's group Jess. :)
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ReplyDeleteAfter going through the rough patch in college, when I met Aaron it was hard to really take the compliments he paid me at face value. I have come to learn though that he really does mean it when he thinks I'm sexy, even when I feel SO unpretty!
ReplyDeleteIn college I always wore t-shirts, sweats, jammies, jeans... whatever was comfortable and easy. So now I think I own maybe 3 t-shirts that I never wear and cotton pants are for sleeping! I dress for myself. I see no need to perpetuate the stereotype that just because I stay at home doesn't mean I can't take care how I look for myself and my husband. I never want my hubby to be embarrased to be out with me, though he assures me that is NEVER the case!
I never diet. I have never had a huge apetite and do more smaller meals through the day because its easier than sitting down to a huge meal I know I can't finish! Its hard for me to go to restaurants because I know I probably can't finish what they give me and its either waste it or take home box which isn't really a big deal, but it does bother me some times! :) Heh, you girls know me....I'd rather talk than eat anyway! :D
Loving who I see in the mirror is a lot more difficult, but I have grown a lot in the confidence area of I am what I am and the only other person who needs to put up with what I am thinks I'm beautiful and loves my body so it doesn't do any good to wish I had Angelina Jolie's body or someone else's skin color or hair or height or whatever.
as for #10 my number one goal is to teach my daughters to be self-assured young ladies who know that Inner beauty is the most important thing over what she looks like. It breaks my heart when I hear 12 year old girls depressed because of how they look or being tormented by peers because they don't look like the cover of Vogue.