Unglued: The Empty Woman

 
"...the seeds of comparison...seeds that grow a plant called coveting, whose long, spiny vines of jealousy choke the joy out of me.  Yes, that happens, and then I do nogthing but stand in front of the mirror and give my brain permission to go there...The more I compare, the emptier I become.  So empty."

The "J" Word
"According to a Yale University study, social-comparison jealousy occurs when the following three conditions are present: (1) a person receives negative personal feedback (2) in a domain of life that is important to them, and (3) they believe another person is performing successfully in that same domain."
"comparison steals celebration"
James 1:15
"...when we're struggling with jealousy:  we need to carry our own load (Galatians 6:4-5), and then carry some love to others (Galatians 6:9-10)

Carry Your Own Load
"'I'm not equipped to handle what she has, both good and bad -- and what she has is always a package deal of both.'"
"He (Satan) want to steal my attention, kill my joy, and destroy my creative best by making me want what God has entrusted to someone else."
"All the things I have and don't have are what make up the unique load I've been assigned."

Carry Some Love to Others
"May the seeds harvest sincere celebration for her and complete peace in me.  Me.  A woman once so empty and unglued.  Learning.  Growing.  Reaping more and more fulfillment."

Questions
Have you thanked God recently for your "unique load"?
"How does your perspective change when you realize "that the life (you) have and sometimes wish (you) could exchange for someone else's is a privileged life?
How might you carry your own load and carry it well today?
How might you carry some love to others and expand your soul's capacity today?"

Week 3

The Bible is the cradle wherein Christ is laid.
~Martin Luther

Finish reading Genesis, chapters 43-50.  And, start reading Matthew, chapters 1-15.

Share the Journey
*How did you experience God's heart in this week's reading?
*Something you learned or an insight you gained?
*A verse or passage you'd like to remember?
*Questions

Sidebar: Week 2

The Spirit breathes upon the Word, and brings the truth to sight.  
~William Cowper 
The reading for Week 2 is Genesis 22-42.

Share the Journey (Questions)
How did you experience God's heart in this week's reading?

Something you learned or an insight you gained?

A verse or passage you'd like to remember?

Questions

My Kid-Placemat Life

 
"Finding the gentle middle between exploding and stuffing can be hard, but God is working on me."
"But there's yet another layer we must add before we move on.  It's perspective."
"Let your gentleness be evident to all" (Philippians 4:5)
"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4)
"The more I rejoice, the more I keep things in perspective.  The more I keep things in perspective, the gentler I become."

Reevaluating My Kid-Placemat Life
"Comfort zones are like that.  Remember, comfort zones don't have to be comfortable--they're just familiar.  It's where you feel like you belong.  And where you come to believe you belong is where you will stay."
"Having God as an identity marker reduces Him to nothing more than a label, a lingo, and a lifestyle -- I'm a Christian so I talk like one and act like one.  But having God as an identity changer is much, much more.  It means I am no longer the person I was before...I am making imperfect progress.  Shifting, breaking away, and being chiseled.  I am a woman whose identity has been changed by coming face to face with the One who has the power to completely transform me."

Vanished
"Where human finances, strategies, and programs fall short, God's power fills the gap.  When discouragement looms close, God's power moves in closer."


Questions
How has the rejoicing been going?  Keeping things in perspective?  Is it helping you remember to be gentle?
"Is the situation I'm facing today really one of those things" that "warrant my mental energy"?
Do you pursue "perspective-magnifying opportunities"?
Where have you seen God lately?

Side Bar

I promise, we will finish our discussion of Unglued.
However, it is a new year and with that being said, I would like to make it through the Bible in a year.  So, I purchased

In the store, I did not realize it had group discussion in mind.  Now, I know.  So, the reading for the first week in Genesis 1-21.  It averages about three chapters a day.
The reading does not continue in this pattern of from start to finish.  Once we get through Genesis, it has us go to Matthew.

Your decision to open the Bible every day to look into the mirror and see truth from God makes you a light in a world filled with much darkness.
~Catherine Martin

The questions for the first week are:
1) How did you experience God's heart in this week's reading?
2) Something you learned or an insight you gained.
3) A verse or passage you would like to remember.
4) Questions.

So, I hope you will join us as we read and discuss the Bible in a year.

I Need a Procedure Manual

"Oh, how corrupted motives can really make me come unglued."
"The Bible is pretty blunt in naming the real issues here: evil desires."
"evil desires...Things like...Selfishness...Pride...Impatience...Anger...Bitterness..."

Positioning My Heart in the Flow of God's Power
"Wow.  God's divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life?  Everything?  If that's the case, why do I still come unglued?"
"I have to 'make every effort' to add some things to my faith.  Things like goodness, knowledge, and self-control.  I have to add these in.  I have to make that choice."

My Biblical Procedure Manual
2 Chronicles 20

Step 1: Remember who you are.
"Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved.  The kind had resolved to inquire of the Lord."
"I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved, whom God has set apart for a mighty purpose."

Step 2: Redirect your focus to Jesus.
"They didn't know what to do, but they knew who to turn to."
"The Bible teaches that there is power and protection in the Lord's name.  (John 17:11)."
"The human soul is designed to recognize and respond to the calm assurance of Jesus."

Step 3: Recognize God's job isn't your job.
"We're not responsible for figuring it all out.  Our job is simply to be obedient to God in the midst of what we're facing.  God's job is results."
"Operating in the flow of God's power is so much better than working against the flow of God's power."

Step 4: Recite thanks and praises to God.
"I say out loud to myself, 'If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, it's still a pretty good day.'"
"...shift from an attitude of gratitude and to praise our God in the midst of it all."

Step 5: Realize reactions determine reach.
"Because in the midst of it all, he [Jehoshaphat] honored God with his actions and reactions.
"Remember, though he was alarmed, he was resolved to inquire of the Lord.
He felt alarmed but stayed resolved.  He kept his focus on the Lord.  He stayed in the flow of God's power by being obedient to God's Word.  Though it wasn't easy, he shifted from having an attitude to practicing gratitude.  And his reaction not only affected everyone around him, not only people in his own kingdom, but even those in surrounding countries."
"I want to train my mind to remember each step, each truth, each choice Jehoshaphat made.  Then I want to train my heart to have the courage to implement each one."

Questions for Discussion
So, created your own predetermined plan?  What steps are on your plan?
Did you find another story in Scripture to help you determine your plan?  Who?
Have you tried out Lysa's or your own plan?  How did it go?

The Stuffers

 

"I stuff because:

*I don't feel safe enough to confront this person.

*I don't have the energy or the time to get into a conflict right now.

*I don't know how to address the issue.

*I don't want to seem hypersensitive.

*I don't want to get rejected.

*I don't want to lose control.

*I don't want to make things worse, so I convince myself I can just let it go.

But if I'm completely honest, as a Christian woman I also sometimes stuff because it feels more godly."

"...healthy processing when I work through the issue and diffuse the hurt."

The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers

"Barriers shut down communication."

Barriers or Boundaries?

"The difference between boundaries and barriers is honest transparency."

"Barriers set relationships on a regressive course that leads to isolation.  Boundaries set relationships on a progressive course that leads to connection."

What Do I Really Want?

"...feelings should be indicators, not dictators."

Impossible People

"...how do I back away and not stuff?"

"If they make the choice to walk over me rather than walk with me, I'll have to love them from afar.  I can forgive and refuse to hold resentment toward them, but just because I extend my forgiveness doesn't mean I have to give them access to me."

"...handled with much prayer..."

The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks

"True peacekeeping isn't about stopping the emotion...True peacekeeping is about properly processing the emotions before they get stuffed and rot into something horribly toxic."

Processing Questions

"...how do we process these emotions before stuffing them?"

"...If I knew this person wasn't coming home tonight, would I still let this bother me?"

"...Will I still remember what I'm so mad about a month from now?"

"Am I trying to prove or improve?"

Dealing with Unrealistic Expectations

"...it's unfair of me to use my expectations as the standard for their behavior or hold it against them when they don't live up to my hopes."

"Why not take your expectations and your need for discernment about them to God in prayer?"

Feelings

"'Feelings are indicators, not dictators, child.  They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around.  You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift from Jesus called self-control.'"

Questions for Discussion

Why do you stuff?

Have you tried out "healthy processing"?  How did it go?