Rick and I did not take our honeymoon right after our wedding. We got married over spring break. Let me clarify that...we got married two days before I was due back on campus. I would STRONGLY discourage anyone from doing this to themselves. I was a mess the first few weeks after spring break. I really needed time to process (both the paperwork and the mental state) giving up the name Welter, being married, becoming a Stanton, etc. We did take our honeymoon once classes were over for the semester. We went to CA. Rick wanted me to see where he grew-up. We spent time with his mom and her husband and, then, went up to the mountains and stayed in the cabin (do not even let yourself think I camped) of his best friend from high schools parents. It was LOVELY! I, really, wish someone had directed us toward books like the Sexually Confident Wife and others before our wedding. The topic of sex didn't really come up, minus Patty reminding us to "be good."
I don't really know that it was so hard giving up the Welter name as much as, I really wanted to just spend time with Rick and instead, we were running around all over Lincoln getting my name changed on everything. It would have just been nice to relax and just spend time the two of us instead of going down to the federal building, the DMV, campus, etc. Plus, we bought our house the week after our wedding. So, when I was in class or at Clinton Elementary, Rick was getting approved for financing, dealing with inspections, working on re-roofing the house (the week of finals). It was stressful and overwhelming. I ended up in the doctors office for some reason and she suggested I go on an anti-depressant because of the stress level going on in my life (I didn't do it.) It would have been more fun to just spend time together, hanging out like we did in CA. Being a Welter, in Lincoln, means that there are some business where walking in and having to give my name means an elderly gentleman will walk up and want to know how I am related to George Welter. I love those moments. It means I get to hear stories about my Uncle, and some times see pictures of him. Being a Stanton is wonderful. I am very blessed on both ends to be related to wonderful people. We didn't. We really could have used a, "Here are some things to discuss," list. Even now, we could use such a list. I didn't expect it to change. Minus that it wouldn't be a sin. I had horrible guilt especially after we got married over every thing being my fault before we got married. The rape (not that I had that labeled, that didn't happen till after Luke was born), the abusive relationship, etc. Plus, I blamed and still do to some degree Bev for her, "just pray," mentality when I asked her how to do sexual purity once you have messed it up. (Keep in mind, I asked with the full blame on myself for the rape and abusive relationship.) I DEFINITELY had and probably still have a lot of issues that did and will continue to creep up in relation to that mess. HOWEVER, God is good and gave me Sarah, who is a true blessing in my life and that I <3 dearly, to walk this road with me (even at 3 a.m.). He has forgiven. He gave me Lecia, who pointed out that it was rape and not my fault. He gave me Nicholas and my dad to talk it over with. And, kept both of them from going out and hurting "the b******." He gave me Rick who loves me in-spight of the mess.
Who are you discipling now? What would you say to someone you are discipling before marriage? I would love to do marriage discipling with a couple someday. I can see my husband participating. ...I'm not sure I can see your husband participating.
We took a honeymoon to Maine immediately following our wedding. It was some place neither one of us had been before and all costs (flight tickets, timeshare, spending money, new digital camera) were divided among family members as their gifts to us. Fun and relaxing. (Also, two weeks after we returned from our honeymoon we went to Canada for a week on a business trip for my husband. FUN. Another mostly free honeymoon.)
We read Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts with our marriage mentor couple from church. I would highly recommend couples systematically go through this with a mentoring couple that holds you responsible before you get marriage. Then you have to discuss your issues and marital issues before they come up in a negative setting.
I liked the advice I got before I got married from our mentoring couple. I know things would have been different had we not purposefully set up time with this couple to help us.
I would also like to add a few comments on Chapter 1.
I love his succinct version of the sexual relationship within marriage: What does every godly man want? A godly woman who loves sex. What does every godly woman want? A godly man who provides the intimacy that her soul longs for.
If you have that down, there is no reason to read the book. ;)
The book said only 20-25% of people are virgins when they marry. Really?
In reference to being a virgin until marriage, "waiting says what kind of people you are and what kind of married people you want to be. You aren't worried about them fulfilling desires elsewhere."
In reference specifically to the husband being a virgin, "says more than words ever could about his love and respect for you." Ah, that makes my ♥ melt a little for my husband.
How do you explain that to your sons? (and daughters?) I heard people say, "it shows how much you love your spouse." But that just never really made any sense to me when I was young.
I like the saying, "Anything you do with someone else before your wedding day, you are potentially doing with someone else's spouse." That really hits home for me. Family Life Today has been promoting Passport 2 Purity. It is a weekend getaway for a parent and child. I would love for Rick and each of our children to do this when they get a little older.
Rick and I did not take our honeymoon right after our wedding. We got married over spring break. Let me clarify that...we got married two days before I was due back on campus.
ReplyDeleteI would STRONGLY discourage anyone from doing this to themselves. I was a mess the first few weeks after spring break. I really needed time to process (both the paperwork and the mental state) giving up the name Welter, being married, becoming a Stanton, etc.
We did take our honeymoon once classes were over for the semester. We went to CA. Rick wanted me to see where he grew-up. We spent time with his mom and her husband and, then, went up to the mountains and stayed in the cabin (do not even let yourself think I camped) of his best friend from high schools parents. It was LOVELY!
I, really, wish someone had directed us toward books like the Sexually Confident Wife and others before our wedding. The topic of sex didn't really come up, minus Patty reminding us to "be good."
Jess,
DeleteTwo questions:
1.) Why do you think you had such a hard time leaving the 'Welter' name? How would you describe a 'Welter' versus a 'Stanton'?
2.) What did you discuss about sex with your husband before you married? How did you expect it to change when you got married?
I don't really know that it was so hard giving up the Welter name as much as, I really wanted to just spend time with Rick and instead, we were running around all over Lincoln getting my name changed on everything. It would have just been nice to relax and just spend time the two of us instead of going down to the federal building, the DMV, campus, etc. Plus, we bought our house the week after our wedding. So, when I was in class or at Clinton Elementary, Rick was getting approved for financing, dealing with inspections, working on re-roofing the house (the week of finals).
DeleteIt was stressful and overwhelming. I ended up in the doctors office for some reason and she suggested I go on an anti-depressant because of the stress level going on in my life (I didn't do it.)
It would have been more fun to just spend time together, hanging out like we did in CA.
Being a Welter, in Lincoln, means that there are some business where walking in and having to give my name means an elderly gentleman will walk up and want to know how I am related to George Welter. I love those moments. It means I get to hear stories about my Uncle, and some times see pictures of him.
Being a Stanton is wonderful. I am very blessed on both ends to be related to wonderful people.
We didn't. We really could have used a, "Here are some things to discuss," list. Even now, we could use such a list.
I didn't expect it to change. Minus that it wouldn't be a sin. I had horrible guilt especially after we got married over every thing being my fault before we got married. The rape (not that I had that labeled, that didn't happen till after Luke was born), the abusive relationship, etc.
Plus, I blamed and still do to some degree Bev for her, "just pray," mentality when I asked her how to do sexual purity once you have messed it up. (Keep in mind, I asked with the full blame on myself for the rape and abusive relationship.)
I DEFINITELY had and probably still have a lot of issues that did and will continue to creep up in relation to that mess.
HOWEVER, God is good and gave me Sarah, who is a true blessing in my life and that I <3 dearly, to walk this road with me (even at 3 a.m.). He has forgiven. He gave me Lecia, who pointed out that it was rape and not my fault. He gave me Nicholas and my dad to talk it over with. And, kept both of them from going out and hurting "the b******." He gave me Rick who loves me in-spight of the mess.
Who are you discipling now? What would you say to someone you are discipling before marriage? I would love to do marriage discipling with a couple someday. I can see my husband participating. ...I'm not sure I can see your husband participating.
DeleteDid you find someone to discipline you currently?
We took a honeymoon to Maine immediately following our wedding. It was some place neither one of us had been before and all costs (flight tickets, timeshare, spending money, new digital camera) were divided among family members as their gifts to us. Fun and relaxing. (Also, two weeks after we returned from our honeymoon we went to Canada for a week on a business trip for my husband. FUN. Another mostly free honeymoon.)
ReplyDeleteWe read Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts with our marriage mentor couple from church. I would highly recommend couples systematically go through this with a mentoring couple that holds you responsible before you get marriage. Then you have to discuss your issues and marital issues before they come up in a negative setting.
I liked the advice I got before I got married from our mentoring couple. I know things would have been different had we not purposefully set up time with this couple to help us.
I would also like to add a few comments on Chapter 1.
ReplyDeleteI love his succinct version of the sexual relationship within marriage:
What does every godly man want?
A godly woman who loves sex.
What does every godly woman want?
A godly man who provides the intimacy that her soul longs for.
If you have that down, there is no reason to read the book. ;)
The book said only 20-25% of people are virgins when they marry. Really?
In reference to being a virgin until marriage, "waiting says what kind of people you are and what kind of married people you want to be. You aren't worried about them fulfilling desires elsewhere."
In reference specifically to the husband being a virgin, "says more than words ever could about his love and respect for you." Ah, that makes my ♥ melt a little for my husband.
How do you explain that to your sons? (and daughters?) I heard people say, "it shows how much you love your spouse." But that just never really made any sense to me when I was young.
I like the saying, "Anything you do with someone else before your wedding day, you are potentially doing with someone else's spouse." That really hits home for me.
DeleteFamily Life Today has been promoting Passport 2 Purity. It is a weekend getaway for a parent and child. I would love for Rick and each of our children to do this when they get a little older.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete