The Exploder Who Shames Herself
*"Do not check in with the screaming demands of the world before you exchange whispers with God."
* "the balance between the two (unhealthy exploding vs unhealthy stuffing) is soul integrity where our honesty is godly."
*"sip the shame so you won't have to guzzle the regret."
*focuses on Ephesians 6
Crafting My Response Template
1) "Begin by honoring the one offended... (point out a good quality)
2) Keep your response short and full of grace...
A line to acknowledge the expressed hurt...
A line to clarify my intentions...
A line of gentle honesty about the issue at hand...
A line of apology if appropriate...
A line asking for grace...
3) End by extending compassion."
"Choosing a gentle reply doesn't mean you're weak; it actually means you possess a rare and godly strength."
The Exploder Who Blames
*"So, here's one little tidbit I'm learning. When someone else's actions or statements threaten to pull me into a bad place, I have a choice. I do."
Self-Control
*"When I react by yelling, flying off the handle, or making a snappy comment, I basically transfer my power to the other person."
Holy Restraint
*"...self-control is the external expression --the evidence --of a well-done center that helps us to respond in more godly ways."
Finding the Quiet
1) "In the quiet, we feel safe enough to humble ourselves."
2) "In the quiet, God lifts us up to a more rational place."
3) "In the quiet, anxiety gives way to progress."
4) "In the quiet, we acknowledge that our real enemy isn't the other person."
5) "In the quiet, I can rest assured God will use this conflict for good--no matter how it turns out."
How are you doing on following Ephesians 6:19? Every time you open your mouth, do you proclaim the Gospel?
Do you quote God's Word in the present tense? What is your favorite passage to quote or read in the present tense? Lysa mentions 1 Peter 5:6-8.
Are you making imperfect progress?
Proclaiming the Gospel more readily is my DNA goal! So I would like to say I am making imperfect progress on that. I wouldn't call them baby steps. I would say I am more in a tentative army crawl.
ReplyDeleteI do try to write God's Words in first person when working on my Bible study.
Psalm 119:74 Is already ready to use: May those who fear you see me and rejoice, for I wait on Your Word.
I would like to try exploding to see how it feels. It reads like it would be a nice release. I get short but I don't yell. If I even let air out of my mouth in an low growl because I am frustrated because we are trying to leave the house as they are dumping toys out and undressing as we walk out the door then my three year old will start to cry. Stuffing feels necessary at this point. I can't even say the word 'hurry' because that just means they will go even slower or possible have bodily fluid come out of them so our trip is impossible.
Has anyone ever used this template?
ReplyDeletep.61 "sitting by the woman with the special ministry of discouragement."
p64 This is where Lysa talks about the 'same on you email' she received as to why she wrote the template response. It made me think of that woman who told Jessica her house wasn't clean enough to meet at for birthing classes. Jessica handled it so nicely. I think, I would have needed the template to curb my response.
p.69 "it isn't my job to fix this woman with my reply. That's God's job. My job is to be obedient to God in the midst of my own set of issues."
...this was written especially for me.
p. 71 "Some moms are equipped by the hand of God to be "that mom." They have been formed with the three C-gene- cooking, crafting and cleaning come easily and naturally to them."
Seriously? I don't think that. Do you?
Who would you say is "that mom"?
p.72 "feelings are indicators, not dictators."
This sounds like something Heidi would say.
p.74 ...nit-picky comment. I don't like that she refers to the reader, me, as girl.
I love how this chapter speaks directly into Jess's life right now. :)
Anne Brown?
DeleteAnne Brown has used this template before? It seems highly unlikely that she would be in a disagreement with someone.
DeleteNot used this template. "Who would you say is "that mom"?
DeleteAh, that makes more sense. Mmm, perhaps I should have been more clear... I meant someone I think is 'cool.' I don't think she is fun. The people I think are fun aren't too paranoid to get dirty and can tell me how they do things without sounding like they are better than me.
DeleteI would like to say that part of it is resentment that my mom doesn't know how to sew and cooks from a box, so she didn't teach me those things.
...part of it is too that I just don't like some people... okay, if I am disclosing all of the parts then part of it is that I talk to people that talk back to me, even if I don't like them. ...for instance, there is currently a person (or two) that I don't love to death but because they call me we hang out. There isn't anything wrong with this person. She just irritates me or I think she is boring or I don't want to go out of my way and be inconvenienced. This is making me sound like a horrible person. I should stop now before I dig myself into a hole.
I'm very analytical, so that might mean that I do a lot of processing naturally. I also have a better feel for what my emotions are than I used to, so I try to identify what I'm feeling and where it's coming from. I don't do well when things are disorganized, especially things in my brain (which includes emotions). When I'm feeling anxiety, I try to figure out where it is coming from.
DeleteDo you guys consider yourselves to be generally positive or negative? If a positive person processes emotions, I would think they likely work through their emotions while giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. If a negative person does it, they probably dwell on the negative and assume the worst about the other person's intentions. I don't really think of myself as a positive person, but I've been spending time with my friend Rose, who is having a stressful time in life right now and is being very negative. It's driving me a little crazy! I was trying yesterday not to contradict her negativity too much, to let her say what she wanted to say, but not encourage it. A little tiring! Maybe I'm more an optimist than my normally sarcastic self believes. That was a long-winded paragraph leading to the point that I generally give people the benefit of the doubt when thinking about interactions.
I would consider myself to be generally negative. I can see the positives in others' lives but not often my own situation. I'm sorry you are having a hard time encouraging your friend. I am working on having more Gospel conversations and that is difficult to bring up Christ all the time because I want it to be genuine and not saying what I think I have to say.
DeleteI would say it is difficult to see a lot of negative in your life from the outside.
From your descriptions of positive and negative, I would say I'm pretty positive. However, I have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve and am way to willing to look at things from someone else's perspective. Both of these two points have been made as negative things I do. But, I don't see them as negative. I feel like being able to see something from someone else's perspective often keeps me out of trouble.
DeleteNicole, I will confess that it is important to me (but wrong of me) to appear to "have it all together". I crave respect and admiration, and it's one of my greatest spiritual weaknesses. My desire for order and organization meshes with this weakness, so part of it is a natural outgrowth of who I am, but part of it is sinful pride.
DeleteI honestly am in full hesitation mode. I want to proclaim the Gospel but fear being a Bible thumper and totally shutting down every non-believing family member (translate: pretty much my whole family).
ReplyDeleteYES! My favorite verses to read in first person are 1 Peter 1:3-9.
VERY imperfect progress! If you have read my last chapter post you know what I mean.
You really think the would care that much? Do you think they would reject you? I think, they would more likely ignore you.
DeleteDon't you think there are people who are Bible thumpers and then there are people who speaking the Gospel is just part of their natural being? Do you think you change your words a lot when your family is around or do you hold back all the time? Who do you think you have to testify to besides your family?
I would agree you have progressed A LOT since we started the discussion on this book.
My mom has told me not to talk about my faith. If she would do it, I don't think anyone would not do it. She is the most likely one to just ignore or listen politely. So, I don't think rejection is out of the realm of possibilities.
DeleteYes, I do think there are Bible thumpers and people who just speak the Gospel. However, I think for me to get to be someone who speaks the Gospel, I am going to pass through a phase that looks like Bible thumping.
I hold back a lot. To the point where I am mad at myself for not saying/doing what I would normally do. Or, I do it quietly with just my boys. Funny though, Ty has been known to ask to pray with us. And, my mom prays with us before meals.
Is my family not enough? Especially when you add in Cathy and Jane? Also, Hunter, Katie, and Emily on Wednesday nights. Luke's cub scout pack/den. Couples in class if they are not saved.
Well now I am curious, what do you think a Bible thumper says?
DeleteI did not know your mom said that to you. That is interesting she had that reaction. What were you discussing?
I totally think rejection is in the realm of possibilities for your youngest brother.
Don't you think your boys notice your change around family members? I assume, praying before meals was an example and not all that you were talking about. Have you tried praying for your mom when she is sharing a concern with you? (My mom doesn't really open up about worries. She says, "I worry about... but Dave tells me ..." but that's as close as she gets.")
OH, I have met your family. Your family is 'enough' for you to witness to. I didn't know the neighbor kids were going with you Wednesday nights, that's great. And I think your couples in class are a good example too.
I'm not doing so hot myself on who to witness to at the moment besides my kids.
I think Adam's maternal grandparents are Bible thumpers. They purchase Adam new Bibles regularly. They tell him he wouldn't be in the mess he is in if he was in the Bible more. I don't know that they ever quote Scripture at him, but they have done such a good job whacking him over the head with the Bible that they appear to have missed loving on him and enjoying him for the guy he was and would like to be again.
DeleteI think Bible thumpers are people who tell little kids that their is no Santa Clause only St. Nick so don't put Santa Clause on an activity. Or, people who tell anyone that drinking in any way, shape, or form is a sin. Last I checked, getting drunk on wine leads to debauchery. Debauchery is the sin not drinking the wine.
So "Bible thump-ers" are people who are very legalistic?
DeleteI do like that you still like Adam. Does he see his life as messed up?
...where would I be prone to fall into doing this?
YES! Bible thumpers are legalistic and eager to push their legalism off on anyone/everyone they meet.
DeleteHe knows he messed up three years ago but doesn't understand how/why that should have any impact on how anyone treats him now. Which I think is kind of like, "Well...duh!"
I don't know. I don't even know where I would be prone to falling into doing this, but I know that I have had moments where someone has called me out on something (can't come up with a specific right now) and it is like, "Oops!"
I know I especially need to be careful with Adam because he has such a high awareness of Bible thumpers and I don't want to be one. But, I do want to be able to encourage him back to the truth of his youth, minus the legalism.