Chapter 4

Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse

Early in my walk with the Lord, I really struggled with past sexual stuff (I hadn't allowed myself to call it rape. I blamed myself for getting sick and letting my guard down.) As I have grown and heard women talk about the awful things that happened to them and how they found the Lord through those struggles, I have been amazed how God can bring such strength out of women without making them hard.

With 1/3 of women experiencing some sort of sexual abuse in their lifetime (p 47), I wish women were more open to sharing their stories. Hearing other women speak of their experiences causes one of two reactions in me. One, "Wow! My experience is nothing compared to theirs. What am I whinning about?" Two, "If they aren't being dragged down and feeling unloved by God, then, why am I letting my past stop me from feeling God's love?"

The feeling of being unlovable is, I believe, so on the surface with many women. It is hard to imagen a loving God who would love us inspight of what has happened or that would allow what happened to happen if He truely did love us. Yet, as I look back on what happened to me (which in the big picture, I realize is nothing compared to what so many other women have been through) I see God's hand protecting me through it. He knew I needed to be broken before I would let Him in. He didn't allow me to get pregnant or get an STD. And inspight of my abuser saying that he was going to take me far away from my family where I would be souly dependent on him, God didn't allow that to happen either.

Again, I find myself in awe of God as Shannon shares her abuse and that of Lynn (p 45), Emily (p 46), Holly (p 46), and Carol (p 54).

As Shannon began discussing the Ten Steps Toward Healing From Sexual Abuse (p 49), I began to think of my mom. Before I was born, but after my parents were married, some guy grabbed my mom in the alley out back of their home in Sioux City, IA. He told her he just wanted to feel her breasts. That was all I knew of the incident until I asked her about it while reading this chapter. She said that when she talked to her priest after the incident he said it was her fault for the way she was dressed. How can my mom continue to be Catholic with a priest like that?

I do realize that slim balls come in all types of religious garb. Also, I believe, that although, my mom's religious practices look different from my own, that she talks to Jesus regularly and clings to Him for help, support, and love through all the struggles that get put in her path. Her strength, that I am only beginning to understand, is the foundation I was raised on.

How has sexual abuse impacted your life?
Would the steps Shannon offers in this book be a future resource for you if you or someone you know were sexually abused?